Close Like We Used to Be

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June 20, 2016 by The Citron Review

by Kate Vander Wiede

 

I love them so much I want to put them in a pot, cook them, eat them, just so I can feel close to them, be close to them like we used to be.

Like those months when they curled up in my belly, when they let me grow them, when they didn’t argue or talk back or cry or run into traffic or fall down or get their feelings hurt. They just slept and woke and grew and knew they were safe.

I want them to feel safe again. I want me to feel safe again. They feel so free now, too free, hurt around every corner, eveything about them so capable of being crushed.

I wave as they board the bus, blow them kisses with a smile on my face that grows and grows and wont stop growing. The bus finally rounds the corner and I shove my fist in my mouth and bite down on my fingers until I cant feel them anymore.

I spend the whole day in my car. I can’t leave.

When they come back, fly off the bus and toward me with their cheeks ruddy and hair flying behind them and with smiles on their faces, such big smiles, I put my smile back on and I drive them home and continue to play pretend.

 

Kate Vander Wiede lives in Providence, Rhode Island, where she spends her off-work hours working on her first novel, balancing on slacklines and training for various biking trips. She’s been published in the Chatsworth Press’ Lonely Whale Memoir Anthology. You can find Kate writing about her travels and life in New England on her blog, https://agoodlifeorsomethinglikeit.com

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One thought on “Close Like We Used to Be

  1. […] A flash fiction piece of mine, Close like we used to be, was published in The Citron Review today. head there to see it, if you’d like: https://citronreview.com/2016/06/20/close-like-we-used-to-be/  […]

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We have some happy news to share! The Citron Review contributor Amye Archer has joined our Creative Nonfiction editorial team. Let's welcome her! Amye Archer - Author of Fat Girl, Skinny: A Memoir, and is the co-editor of If I Don't Make It, I Love You: Survivors in the Aftermath of School Shootings. (Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., 2019). She holds an MFA from Wilkes University. Amye's work has been published in Scary Mommy, Longreads, Feminine Collective, Brevity, Marie Claire, and more. Amye is mom to twin daughters and wife to Tim. She lives in Northeast Pennsylvania. Follow her at @amyearcher https://citronreview.com/2019/03/20/one-week/ #briefliterature #cheerstotenyears #amreading #TheCitronReview #creativenonfiction
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From our summer issue, "How Much Snow" by Erik Moellering. Erik Moellering teaches English at A-B Tech Community College in Asheville, NC, where he also performs in a variety of theatrical productions. https://citronreview.com/2019/06/21/how-much-snow/ #TheCitronReview #SummerIssue #CitronSix #Summer2019 #poetry #cheersto10years

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